„What comes after the Bronze Age and the Iron Age?“
„The Heavy Metal Age, Sir!“
Tag Archives: nejlepší vtipy
Co je impotence? A) stav, kdy je přitažlivost zemská větší než přitažlivost ženská. B) nemoc, ze které se člověk může vylízat.
I open a newspaper – Brezhnev. I open radio – Brezhnev. I open TV – Brezhnev. I am afraid to open the toilet.
Plave klavír a jehla ve vodě. Klavír: „Slyšíš, jak krásně hraju?“ Jehla: „Cožééé, já mám vodu v uchu.“
Proč má blondýnka s sebou v autě list papíru? – Protože řídí Audi A4.
Co je blondýnka v BMW? Nadstandardní vybavení.
Přijde blondýnka na rentgen a na snímku se objeví druhá páteř.
Doktor ji pošle ke gynekologovi a ten se jí ptá: „Používáte tampony?“
„Pochopitelně ano“
„A vyndaváte si předtím ten minulý?
„Dal jsi mu ten nůž?”
„Ano.”
„A co říkal?”
„Auuu…”
In the Sovetski Svaz two men meet in a prison. One asks: – How many years did they give you? – Five years. – What did you do? – Nothing! – You lying fu*king dog! For nothing, the Soviet Authorities give ten years!
A man was driving his car along the road in the countryside, when suddently a cock ran in fron of his car. Unfortunately he couldn`t stop in time and he ran over the cock. The man stopped his car and walked to the farmhouse nearby.
„I`m terribly sorry,“ said the man. „But I`ve just killed your cock. I realise he must be very important to you so I`d like to replace him.“
„Thanks for your offer,“ said the farmer, „but I think I will go and buy another cock.“
„Are you coming out to play?“
„No, I`ve got to help Dad with my homework.“
Why Italian boys have small black moustaches? They like to be similar to their mothers.
Five year old Little Johnny was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, „I´ve lost my dad!“ The policeman said, „What´s he like?“ Little Johnny replied, „Beer and women!“
„I don`t want you using those bad words any more.“
„But, Mother, Shakespeare uses them.“
„Well, don`t play with him again.“
Three women are having lunch, discussing their husbands. The first says, „My husband is cheating on me, I just know it. I found a pair of stockings in his jacket pocket, and they weren´t mine!“ The second says, „My husband is cheating on me, I just know it. I found a condom in his wallet, so I poked it full of holes with my sewing needle!“ The third woman fainted.